Thursday, November 17, 2005

Ramblin' again

i've been giving a lot ot thought to my life recently - which may or may not be good...depending on the day. One thing that i've realized, and come to appreciate, is that sometimes we don't know our own inner strength until we're put through or going through a difficult time in life.  Bad things happen, it's just part of life.  But how we (read: i) deal with those things shows the true inner woman, does it not?

Something i've noticed is that i tend to 'flip-flop' between extremes at first and then gently settle down to a nice medium after time and thought have been given to the situation.  For instance, if i have my plans set in one direction and they are suddenly changed, i typically don't react well.  i go from 'i'm never doing that again" to "i'm going to do that at the first chance i get" and then typically settle down to "when and if the chance arises, i will look into doing such and such"...lame example, i think but it's just how i react...and i'm trying to hone in on the more middle ground as my initial reaction.  That is not an easy thing.  i would like to gain some ground in that area before my planned pre-mid life crisis... ( which, by the way is planned for May 2006 - so mark your calendars...)

Anyway, i think my struggle is that i'm trying to find a good balance and be able to live life gracefully and graciously.  With my passionate nature (cough, cough) that's not always an easy thing to accomplish - but it is at least an honorable goal.  You can always pick out those older women  who have lived such a life.  They are always quick to forgive, easy spiritied, think before speaking (my worst fault), have an easy smile that includes everyone, generous in their love and time, yet not easily taken advantage of, nor bowled over by life. i guess while living for today, i'm trying to prepare for the future - my future - so that i don't end up one of those old, shriveled bitter women who have nothing good to say about anyone. 

So here's to learing more aboutliving and doing it well.  Here's to gracious living and a generous spirit.  Here's to a good balance in on'e reactions.  Here's to making each day count.

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