Tuesday, May 30, 2006


So, uh today i broke a toe.  Great.  Right foot.  Middle toe.  It's swollen and purple and hurts.

Oh  joy!

Monday, May 29, 2006

Happy Memorial Day

To those who have served in the military, or are serving:  Thank you.

Because of your sacrifice, dedication to Country and ability to follow the commands of those in charge through the years, i am able to not only embrace my feminity but write freely about it.  i, as a woman, am able to be educated and drive and own my own house and teach others and wear short skirts and talk/have frienships with people from any other nation, if i so choose.  i am not restricted to how many children i could bear.  i am able to work and have whatever job i like and am qualified for.  i am able to walk about freely.  i can sing at the top of my lungs.

Thank you.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Visual Peace

Another gorgeous day.  The sun is hot, but the breeze is cool and clear.  i love days like this.  All the windows in my house are wide open allowing the air and sunshine to permeate every room.  my house is perfectly cleaned and everywhere you look there is visual peace.

Visual peace is so important.  Life, work, school, relationships take our time and attention and everyone needs a place where they can relax.   i have chosen to make my entire house like that.  i don't like clutter. (ok...except i DO have too many books lying about), i certainly don't like a dirty house, i like clean surfaces and straightened bed covers.  Because when i walk in the house after a long day, or have faced something that stresses me or upsets me, i like to find refuge and peace in my own home.

Scented candles, lots of bubble bath, living plants, and even my crazy cat all provide a sense of peace and security.  i look around my rooms and can relax a bit because i know that hard work and keeping them clean then provide me with a wonderful place to unwind and sleep.

Only thing that would make it better, would be a swarthy half-dressed Man to greet me!

Now THAT would be visual peace!     :::grin::::

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Living large

i love living in the city and for me to say that - me, who grew up on the side of a mountain, stomping in creeks, swimming in the river, walking in the woods - for me to say such a thing is a BIG deal

But here i sit - my house is clean and smells great - classical music is on my stereo, i can hear the many birds outside, i can hear some traffic going by, and i can hear the Mexican ladies who live not far away as they talk in their kitchen and hear the slaps of their hands against the tortillas as they make them.  Much laughter.  i see the man in the next house fixing his screen for his front window - the staple gun making a punching sound - these are all comforting sounds to me now.  Granted i live in a section that is almost always a bit more quiet, but all in all -  i love living in the city.

Think i'll go read on the front porch for a while...

Thursday, May 25, 2006

No sleep again? This has got to stop! Someone please help me!!!!
Friday night i'm going to resort to an adult beverage. i'm so sleepy right now but know better than to even close my eyes or there will be no sleep again tonight.
i mean, it's getting so bad that i'm organizing the kitchen so i can bake at 4am

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Here i am again

Oh the joy to be awake at 4am.  Until now, i slept deep and peacefully but for the past hour, i've been awake.  i even was medicated due to back spasms on Tuesday.

Why can't i sleep???? grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Maybe i should just get up and make chocolate chip cookies.  Want some?




Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Can't sleep

It's 4.13am.  i'm wide awake.  i've been awake for over an hour.  There's too much on my mind and i need to relax and sleep but it's not happening.

i'm not hungry, i'm not cold, i'm not angry, i'm not sad, i'm not happy, i'm just....not sleeping.


Sunday, May 21, 2006

Another shoe man in the making

Just a few minutes ago, i was leaving church, walking down the steps to exit the building and at the bottom of the steps was a group of children.  They were between the ages of 5 and 9 or so.

i was walking down carefully, in my 4" shiny patent leather shoes and noticed that one little boys' eyes were rivited to my shoes. Not to me, not to my legs or skirt, but only my feet.  And i wondered what was going on in his little head.  Had he looked at me -i would have given him an understanding smile because i love to look at them too and understand the attraction to a pair of shoes, but he never lifted his eyes.

And as i've stated before, i hope that when he grows up, the love of his life will wear shoes for him that are pretty on her and that make him stare in love and lust for her.

i so love being a woman!

Thursday, May 11, 2006


We're under a tornado watch here in my little city in Pennsylvania.  The wind is blowing quite hard and the much needed rain is pelting my freshly washed windows! (grrrr)

Monday, May 8, 2006

Emotional ...

In honor of  "Pats" going to the Gulf and those who will go with him....

(beware - emotional clip)



my work ethic took a day off today and forgot to inform me.  grrrr - i'd rather be home, curled up on the couch while reading. 

A friend from the chat room is leaving for the Persian Gulf today.  Thoughts and prayers are with him.  He will be missed - espcially around football season (who is going to monopolize the conversation and make us talk about football for days and days and days?  grrrr)

Had a wonderful lazy weekend.  Boy did i need that.  Cleaned and read.  That's it. (oh yeah and cooked and re-orgainzed some things and ....)  But it was wonderful.  Though it makes today very difficult.

Gas prices are killing me.  Don't have a terribly long commute (40 min) but it's not fun.  i really wish we had a better public tranportation system everywhere in the country, not just the big cities.  That is something i truly miss about France/Europe.

Reading Suite Francaise - great book to read, not so great for my longing to be back in Paris.

Good friend of mine is in the hospital ..grrr...i'm so sad for him.  But he knows we are pulling for him and that he'll recover and get through physcial therapy with flying colours.

New pair of heels are coming to me this week.  Very Marilyn Monroe-ish..gorgeous, can't wait.

Did i mention my work ethic has taken a vacation day?  hmm...

Maybe another cup of coffee will help!

Friday, May 5, 2006

Beware: Rant Ahead (not pretty)

..sick of the 'poor me' attitude.  i'm tired of the victim mentality.  i get weary of hearing  'i can't take one more thing.'  i try to be compassionate - i really do, but i'm tired of it.  There is always someone worse off than you. 

Deal with it. 

Life isn't always easy but your attitude can help you get through it. 

Good grief, you're a grown woman, so act like it.  You're not some sniveling child, nor a naive teen; you've had children, many of them; you have a husband who loves you and has a decent job; you own a lovely house; you have two cars; you are not terminally ill;  you are smart and funny; you are attractive in many ways, including physical; you have alot going for you.

You wonder why i don't come around to spend time with you?  i can't take it anymore.  i have my own stuff to deal with and try to do so with a good attitude and happiness.  You drag me down.  You make me want to move far away.  Stop acting like everything should be handed to you on a silver platter.  Stop moping around.  Depressed?  Seek help. Angry?  Work out.  Eat better.  Take your dang blood pressure pills. 

You fuss about your gorgeous teenaged girls like you hate them.  i'm sick of that too.  Do you realize that i may never be granted the beauty of children and when i have to hear you go on and on about them, i could honestly reach out and hit you...hard.

Grow up.

i love you now and always will, but i don't like you very much right now.

i'm done.

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Rambling words

i'm in an odd mood of sorts.  Partly because some of the intense stress of March and April is gone.  Partly because i seem to have a new focus on life.  Partly because it's Spring and all things are new - including attitudes. 

Here's an odd thing - for four months, i purposedly had my cable turned off.  i didn't miss television one bit.  There were times, i guess, that i could've used the mindless chatter to help me wind down, or times when perhaps a good documentary or movie was on and it would've been nice to see but... all in all, i didn't miss it. 

i'm having it re-installed - because i need the dsl (for my aol addiction and for business). i wonder how i will react to the stupidity that is handed to us on a daily basis.  i'm no snob - not at all - nor a great intellectual - but honestly, some of the shows that are on are just rubbish.

i've been, instead, burying my sweet lil nose and mind in books.  Re-reading some old favourites and discovering some new ones.  my dear friend and (((((((((((Sister))))))))) gave me two recent recommendations and i bought them both trusting her judgement.  Sure enough, as i delved into one (Balzac and The Little Chinese Seamstress) last night, i once again was grateful for her knowledge and insight.  She also sent me two others last year or so and they were winners!  (thank you sister!!!!)

Which brings me to this:  good friends are treasures.  Those who take time to get to know us - deeply and richly with all our prickles and rough edges - are pure gold.  Those who provide stress relief or an undersatnding mind or a hug (cyber or real) are considered, to me, amoung the best of mankind.

And those who make us (read:me) laugh - well they have a special place in my heart - because, if you know me, you KNOW i love to laugh.