Monday, December 27, 2010

Best of times, worst of times

Christmas was an odd day for me. It was "off" and did not play out how i wish it would have. Somehow the stress i have been under morphed into something less than attractive and for that i am upset with myself. i just wanted the day to be over and that is sad, isn't it?

However, today is a new day and so i try again...try to be a better woman, to touch those around me with love and grace and to handle this stress in a more gracious way.

So, i am aiming for a "best of times" kind of day.

Friday, December 17, 2010

i am gonna complain

Ready? we go.

The Weather:
i do not mind cold. i love snow. i do not mind a few murky, cloudy days. i love sunshine. However, these endless days of murky skies, cold, wind with NO is kind of getting to me and it is only December. Common Winter...let's get it right and do not make me hate you. Let's try a sunny day, mid 30's and some snow at night. That would be a blast!

i hate money and the need for it. Cuz when you are low/don't have any, it can make one grumpy/depressed/mad and that is not fun. Just saying.

i LOVE Christmas but i cannot, cannot, cannot stand the commercialism and the NEED to buy things you do not need. Clothing, chocolate, iced tea, bread...there we have it. Basic needs of life :grin: For the wee lass, my sister does not want cheap plastic things ...but rather educational, or little people rom Fisher Price (cuz every kid needs those at least once!), clothing, shoes (she LOVES shoes...YAY!) and that is about it. We have tons of books and she spends a lot of time just sitting and reading through them. It is so much fun to see. But those who pressure my sister to get the latest things...ugh.

And that is it, really. Guess that is not too bad for a murky, cold, windy day where i cannot find chocoalte anywhere in the house! LOL

Happy Day of Complaints

Monday, December 13, 2010


Sometimes the love for her wells up in me so much that it hurts my throat.

The sweet smell of her, the tiny fingers becoming strong and able to do so much, the adorable feet, the soft, soft skin. The voice that babbles on, making conversation that i truly wish i could understand. The way she is learning. Recognizing words (at 16 months!), knowing every person's name in our family, remembering how to walk to her class at church, taking the world by storm.

She is not even my child. She did not come from my body. i was not even there at her birth. But somehow this little one is wrapped up in my heart so tight then when she is not here, i almost feel empty.

How is this possible?

And she is teaching me..teaching me to be a better to best relate to all of mankind. Sometimes you have to be firm, almost stern with folks, sometimes you have to shout out if there is imminent danger...most of the time, laughter, cuddling, snuggles and just being together can take care of so many problems. She is teaching me this.

oh and patience...oh my yes. We do not have to rush through life, rather one step, or one bite of food, or a long bath or reading the same book over and over can really take care of so many things. It fills our hearts with need to will get done eventually.

And let us not forget the importance of naps. If more people took naps, this world would be a kinder place. A grumpy lass given the ability to nap for two hours brings forth a charming and delightful child.

And i am learning. Learning how to love in a different way. Learning things about parenting that i never knew. Learning that my mother was mostly right about everything (!).

Sometimes a little baby changes everything.

Monday, December 6, 2010

A Bit Ragged

It is officially Monday morning, i have yet to go to bed. Just taking some quiet time to sit in the glow of my Christmas lights and reflect on this past weekend.

i feel rough. my emotions are right at the surface. It has not been an easy weekend.

A woman i have known for 20 plus years may not make it through this night. About a week ago she was diagnosed with cancer. Now....she is almost gone. Things like this draws one up short to make me stop and reflect....if i had that same prognosis, what would my reaction be? How would i be remembered? A bit morbid, perhaps, but thoughts like these encourage me to not become stagnant in my life but ever moving, ever changing, ever growing and maturing. It also reminds me to not take anything for granted. Sobering.

my sister is going through a rough patch as well and her method of coping is to lash out. That makes things particulary difficult when we are the only two living in this house. i am finding it harder and harder to just ignore this infantile behavior.....yet...yet, i need to put myself in her shoes from time to time and act with compassion. (i am afraid my compassion is gonna leave a foot print in her behind!)

So this quiet time of reflection, kind of like hitting the restart button....drop back and punt.....quiet myself and get ready for the week to come.