i've lost that global feeling whoooaaa that global feeling...

Hmm...just realized a bit ago that because my own problems, lack of work, possible losing of my house, family issues and all that goes with that, have loomed so large in my mind, i have totally lost my global focus.

Not cool.

my desires, prayers, concerns and worries have, of late, all been about ME. ME ME ME ME...

ugh. That, in reflection, grosses me out. Like totally...with a trailer hitch...or a spoon.

i have always desired to have a global focus in my life. What that means to me is that though i take care of the home front, i know what is going on, basically, in the world. There are friends, workers, missionaries, dignitaries for whom i pray that i also know what is going on in their world. Blogs that are read to keep me up to date with situations in foreign places...places that have suffering people, or, on the flip side, prosperous people, about whom i have interest. i enjoy that. It keeps me humble and able to focus not on me, but on others.

But.....i realized about 1/2 hour ago, with total conviction, that i have been wearing backwards reflectors. Ewwww....that means that all i see is me. my problems, my issues, my complaints, my stress, my lack of money, or lack of work, my relationships that need to be mended, my lack of patience and gentleness sometimes, my worry about the niece, my, my my my arent i boring?

The beauty of this all is that this is a new morning. Clean slate to start anew with concerns, prayers, thoughts and encouragement to others. Clearly my own situation is not ideal at present. Clearly there is stress that goes with being unemployed....however, clearly there is a need for me to get my eyes off of myself...lift them upward and outward and grasp the world.

It feels good, you know? To chase away that stagnant air that sometimes resides in your soul. Most times we do not even realize it is there...until we take a breath of something sweeter...then...then the growth can begin.

So here is to a new morning, full of mercy.
And a new outlook that includes the world and not just lil ole me.

Whew! What a relief!

she

Today she wears pink, SWEET written on her top, brown eyes bright and sunny whilst we read book after book. Small lil pig tails bounce as she decides to climb on the chairs that were a present for me when i was two yrs old. Perfect size for little arms and legs, learning how to get up on a chair, sitting at a table that is yours alone.

Today, she decides to spread a blanket on the floor and give one to her mother and they pretend to sleep on beds, and then to follow me downstairs whilst i do a few chores, alway curious. She likes to see how things go together, she watches closely, her pigtails tickling my face as she leans in close to get a better look. Of course, then i cannot see but i breathe her in, deeply and laugh out loud at her cuteness. Even in this, she is learning.

Every week, when she comes to us, i see differences. She is taller, a bit thinner, walks better, talks more...growing.

There are temper tantrums and acting out towards her mother and we are aware of this and work through them, hearts breaking that for now, her little world is kind of topsy turvy. We try to provide the same routine, safety, comfort, stability and lots of laughing, singing and reading...oh yes, do not forget about the reading.

Soon she will be 18 months old. She is a delight. She is a marvelous creature. She is gonna be a handful when she is a teen, but for now....for now, i remind myself to take the days slowly, at her pace, and treasure every pig-tail-bouncing-tickling-my-face moment.

Let It Snow!

Just came in from walking the dog a few minutes ago and realized, during the walk, how amazing snow is. It muffles every noise, reducing city noise to quiet. It makes people stay in, allowing me to let the dog run free and i could twirl and run also. It covers all the ugliness and makes it pure white...gorgeous...stunning...pristine...cold.

Oh it is cold out there, but felt wonderful. Snow is coming down at a nice steady clip..we might have a good eight inches by daybreak. (i am rooting for more).

So now we are snuggled in the house. Feeling a bit sleepy from our romp...ready to snuggle down and sleep deeply.

i do not always love winter, it is hard to get through, but i sure can manage better when there is snow on the ground.

YAY for snow!

Sheesh, are you kidding me?

So.

i have been thinking that i have been doing really well in my attitude and in my mind set and intentions during this entire lay off period and with the money struggles. i wasn't trying to be proud or high on myself but rather, just pleased with the forward progress i have been making.

Until Sunday.

i enter into church. Happily. Glad to be there. Happy to sing and ready for the sermon. i like the subject. i enjoy the Pastor. Everything is grand. It is a good, good week. Yay God. Yay me.

um....and then i realize HOW FAR i have to go. Good grief. Not that i then became depressed or sad or what have you...no, it was no guilt trip or feeling bad about myself, but rather a challenge to be a better woman, a more devoted follower of Christ, a woman of intense integrity and honor and love.

So...let the work begin.

Also? Note to self: do not think of yourself to highly.....just saying.

January Rest

i have been challenged by a number of women to make January a month of rest. Not physical rest but emotional and mental rest. Slow things down, think more deeply and slowly, ponder, and to take time for wonder and amazement.

That is not an easy task given the way the US runs...always at full speed ahead, anchors away, throttle down until you collaspe. But that is not how i like to live. I do not mind hurry and bustle and stress as long as it has an end. So January will be my month of quiet.

And i have to be honest, i am not always successful. i sometimes feel agitated in my spirit and cranky and have to take a deep breath and remember to slow it down...relax...enjoy the now...while making memories for the future.

Best of times, worst of times

Christmas was an odd day for me. It was "off" and did not play out how i wish it would have. Somehow the stress i have been under morphed into something less than attractive and for that i am upset with myself. i just wanted the day to be over and that is sad, isn't it?

However, today is a new day and so i try again...try to be a better woman, to touch those around me with love and grace and to handle this stress in a more gracious way.

So, i am aiming for a "best of times" kind of day.

i am gonna complain

Ready? Ok..here we go.

The Weather:
i do not mind cold. i love snow. i do not mind a few murky, cloudy days. i love sunshine. However, these endless days of murky skies, cold, wind with NO snow...it is kind of getting to me and it is only December. Common Winter...let's get it right and do not make me hate you. Let's try a sunny day, mid 30's and some snow at night. That would be a blast!

Money:
i hate money and the need for it. Cuz when you are low/don't have any, it can make one grumpy/depressed/mad and that is not fun. Just saying.

Christmas:
i LOVE Christmas but i cannot, cannot, cannot stand the commercialism and the NEED to buy things you do not need. Clothing, chocolate, iced tea, bread...there we have it. Basic needs of life :grin: For the wee lass, my sister does not want cheap plastic things ...but rather educational, or little people rom Fisher Price (cuz every kid needs those at least once!), clothing, shoes (she LOVES shoes...YAY!) and that is about it. We have tons of books and she spends a lot of time just sitting and reading through them. It is so much fun to see. But those who pressure my sister to get the latest things...ugh.

And that is it, really. Guess that is not too bad for a murky, cold, windy day where i cannot find chocoalte anywhere in the house! LOL

Happy Day of Complaints