Alive. Grateful.

i had a great evening last night. Nothing special but i seemed to get alot done. And then had time to watch for the 2nd time Julie & Julia and while watching got a great idea to maybe cook for a young couple i know like twice a month or so. Not going to blog about it but the movie made me think about how much i love to cook and how i could share that with more people.

Then got ready for bed and was fast asleep until....


2am. Back door alarm is screaming. i woke in a panic thinking it was the fire alarm. Ran downstairs to shut off the alarm and after doing so realized that someone had broken into my house.

This happened one other time a couple of years ago. Instead of panic, now i felt rage. Deep unyeilding rage. Why me? Why again? Who were these jerks to mess up my life? All of that raced through my head as i started to run toward the back door screaming at the top of my lungs..."WHO'S IN MY HOUSE???? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!! GET OUT! GET OUT! IF I CATCH YOU I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! GET OUT OF MY HOOOUUUSSEEE!"

Not one of my more refined moments.

Some time later, after six policemen, three neighbors and my Father all went through my house, i finally felt a bit more relaxed.

i'm still mad though. First of all because i know it's going to take me quite some time to work through this and feel safe and also to be able to sleep well in my house. Secondly because these thugs feel that they can just waltz into your house and take what they want. i SO wish the police had found them. Thirdly, i'm angry. Not a victim. Not violated. Angry. i want revenge. "They" ruined a perfectly good sleep after a wonderful evening and tried to harm me and/or my house. They were in my house. i smelled the cigarette smoke on their clothing...it lingered in my kitchen. That's MY kitchen. How dare they?

And other emotions - some of graditude: the police were amazing, kind and fast. my neighbors are the best in the world. my Father came without even batting an eye. i was not harmed. Nothing was taken. i found the cats (two cats...both scared but alive and still inside). Nothing was really damaged either. The alarm did what it was supposed to do. i didn't actually kill anyone (even though i screamed that).

And a peace. Peace knowing that i'm God's child and my house was 'given' to Him when i moved in. Whatever He allows to happen is within His control and will and i know it's easy to say because i'm not hurt, but this tests my faith a bit and makes me come face to face with my trust in God.

It also makes me come face to face with the reality that i will be arming myself in the very near future because i will not be molested, harmed or robbed again in my own home.

Also that i'm so very grateful to be alive.