Learning

Sometimes the love for her wells up in me so much that it hurts my throat.

The sweet smell of her, the tiny fingers becoming strong and able to do so much, the adorable feet, the soft, soft skin. The voice that babbles on, making conversation that i truly wish i could understand. The way she is learning. Recognizing words (at 16 months!), knowing every person's name in our family, remembering how to walk to her class at church, taking the world by storm.

She is not even my child. She did not come from my body. i was not even there at her birth. But somehow this little one is wrapped up in my heart so tight then when she is not here, i almost feel empty.

How is this possible?

And she is teaching me..teaching me to be a better Auntie...how to best relate to her...to all of mankind. Sometimes you have to be firm, almost stern with folks, sometimes you have to shout out if there is imminent danger...most of the time, laughter, cuddling, snuggles and just being together can take care of so many problems. She is teaching me this.

oh and patience...oh my yes. We do not have to rush through life, rather one step, or one bite of food, or a long bath or reading the same book over and over can really take care of so many things. It fills our hearts with time...no need to rush...it will get done eventually.

And let us not forget the importance of naps. If more people took naps, this world would be a kinder place. A grumpy lass given the ability to nap for two hours brings forth a charming and delightful child.

And i am learning. Learning how to love in a different way. Learning things about parenting that i never knew. Learning that my mother was mostly right about everything (!).

Sometimes a little baby changes everything.

A Bit Ragged

It is officially Monday morning, i have yet to go to bed. Just taking some quiet time to sit in the glow of my Christmas lights and reflect on this past weekend.

i feel rough. my emotions are right at the surface. It has not been an easy weekend.

A woman i have known for 20 plus years may not make it through this night. About a week ago she was diagnosed with cancer. Now....she is almost gone. Things like this draws one up short to make me stop and reflect....if i had that same prognosis, what would my reaction be? How would i be remembered? A bit morbid, perhaps, but thoughts like these encourage me to not become stagnant in my life but ever moving, ever changing, ever growing and maturing. It also reminds me to not take anything for granted. Sobering.

my sister is going through a rough patch as well and her method of coping is to lash out. That makes things particulary difficult when we are the only two living in this house. i am finding it harder and harder to just ignore this infantile behavior.....yet...yet, i need to put myself in her shoes from time to time and act with compassion. (i am afraid my compassion is gonna leave a foot print in her behind!)

So this quiet time of reflection, kind of like hitting the restart button....drop back and punt.....quiet myself and get ready for the week to come.

Shameless ...

i have never been one to be a groupie of any group/person/organization/idea. i have typically stood on the outskirts of something and just watched...enjoying the activity but without any attention drawn to me. You could always find me on the edge...smiling and watching...thoroughly enjoying everything going on but not ready or willing to jump up and join in.

But these days, i wonder: why not? Why not do something totally outside my comfort zone? Why not join in the laughter and fun? Why not make a fool of myself for something i totally enjoy? Why not?

So friends, i have to admit...

i am a Chaser.
i am a shameless Chaser. (oh sheesh..i am already blushing and trying to delete those last words...see what i mean?)

Here is the story. There is an a Capella group called Straight No Chaser. 10 men who went to Indiana University have now become a touring group. They found publicity with a YouTube video of them singing a spoof on the 12 Days of Christmas and Atlantic Records picked them up...and is slinging them all over the country...literally.

i heard about the video and then went to my first concert early in the Spring 2010 (in a scary theater in Landsdowne, Pa). Since then i have seen them in Reading, in Hershey and will see them again in Reading on New Year's Eve.

Their fans are called Chasers and i think i have officially become one!

10 men (none of them ugly, if you know what i mean) who have amazing voices, do not take themselves too seriously and have arrangements (done mostly by one of the members) that are breathtaking. They practice an art....but in a way that is fresh and new. This is not just a standard a Capella group...oh no...there is dancing. Yes ladies...dancing. Not in a lewd way..but fun..creative..totally sexy without offending anyone.

So i would like to say

Hi, my name is laura and i am a Chaser.

Check out Straight No Chaser....who knows, you might be a chaser too:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7_aYt2FcdI

Being Thankful all the time

Recently i have been challenged to count my blessings all the time. There is also a community of bloggers who do this, apparently, and you actually count the blessings, the things that you are grateful for. i would imagine that it fosters a heart of thankfulness and gratitude and that even through difficult circumstances, you are able to see how blessed you are.

So i need to research this a bit more, but think it is a healthy excersise which will, hopefully, become a lifestyle.
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Today is a bit of a down kind of day. Not in emotion but in activity. i am still in my pj's and it is almost noon! (shock and horror. i know . I KNOW!) But it sure feels nice to just have a quiet day. Baby, dog, cat are all sleeping. House is finally getting warm (it was cold last night) and i feel all cozy and homey. i was going to start to decorate for Christmas, but honestly, i love my Fall decorations..those colours are so grand and warm and....and i might tackle that on Monday! Since i have problems with Monday anyway, might as well do something really nice, right? Right

Giving Thanks

For the past two days, i have been working at my folks' house getting ready for our Thanksgiving meal. Made pies yesterday and today did some of the dishes that could be premade and then just reheated. Tomorrow, of course, is the main even and we have a jammed packed day. Should be tons of fun.

In all of this work, i have paused to give thanks many times. Thanks that i am close to family who love to be together. Thanks that we have the means to have this kind of food. Thanks that i am able to do the work, alongside my mother and sisters. And that is the tip of the iceberg. Yes, it has been a really rough past two months and may be worse in months to come. But...BUT in all things i want to give thanks.

And i am thankful for friends (like you!) who encourage me and help me to give thanks for everything.

Just stuff....

This dog we got is incredible. Someone somewhere had to have worked with her. she is completely housebroken, is loving but obeys commands, walks on the lead like a trooper and is very loyal.

she does not mind at all when the baby steps on her and thinks the cats are amusing. i have yet to hear her bark at home (we heard her once in the pound as we were walking away...that was kind sad). she does have some stray tendencies with food but i think over time, she will see that she is always fed and that will lessen (but she listens/obeys when we correct her behavior).

she weighs 60 lbs and thinks she is a lap dog.

No seriously, she does. Just a big ago, i was sitting on the floor and she attempted to climb into my lap...of course i encouraged her to see if it would work, but alas, it did not, mostly because i was being squished and could not stop laughing.
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Speaking of not being able to stop laughing, my 18 yr old brother has the game Call of Duty. He is getting better at it and i said i wanted to try. Please realize that i cannot even play Mario without dying off and screaming when i miss a jump or when those things come at me. It is rather hilarious.

So last night i said i would play with him. i chose my weapon and we started...we were supposed to shoot one another (nothing says family love like hunting each other down). However, i am horrible at this and ended up making my guy go around in circles backwards, shooting the dirt....mostly because i cannot control the thing properly and mostly because i was laughing so hard because i couldn't control the thing and mostly because it was hilarious. i do not think i should join any armed forces...though i am good with weapons in real life....(mostly).

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Thanksgiving is in two days.
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The weather outside is frightfully dull. Either sun or rain, please. This murky stuff is kinda gross.
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i am wearing a Brian Dawkins #20 Eagles Jersey today. i have said, though i really am not a fan of tattoos, that should i ever get his autograph, it will be tattooed on my body.

Is that taking fandom a bit too far? No? ok...i didn't think so either (even though he now plays for the Broncos....that move broke my heart and i am still not over it..not even kidding..i cried....)
i mean have you
1)seen the man play? Safety...flying tackles..insane blocking...hard hitting....plays with intense passion...loved Philadelphia fans and we love him still
2) seen the man's muscles? i will stop right there lest i cross a fine line between admiration for the human body vs. pure lust.

Happy Thanksgiving to me! :grin:

Honestly?

Ok Monday, here is the deal. You and i are not friends and it is unlikely that we will ever be friends. However, since i am human and created just a little lower than angels...guess what? i win. i win because i am going to see you as a challenge...a small obstacle to overcome. i am not going to give in to your dark depressing thoughts and feelings. Yes, the weekends are always nice, mostly because the sweet little one is here and on Monday she is not. And yes, since being laid off, i feel mostly an empty sense of "what now?" because i really should be getting up for work, not lying in bed fighting you.

But guess what? i win. Always. You had your month of dark Mondays. Fun, wasn't it? But even though it was tough to get going today and even though i had to overcome alllll of what i just wrote, i did it.

So honestly? though you throw your best stuff at me, and you always do, i win. The house is clean, i am about to take the dog for a nice long walk and then gonna plan for Thanksgiving. See? All good and positive things.


"Greater is He that is in me, then Mondays"
(very, very loosely translated.)