Tomorrow morning one of my Uncles will be having surgery. By-pass surgery. Perhaps double, perhaps triple - Doctor isn't quite sure. Of course anytime that one goes 'under the knife' death is always an option, isn't it? However, this Uncle has been in relatively good health and his heart isn't damaged because of the blockages - so that is a plus.
Something that makes this more difficult is that he has been estranged from our family for close to 8 yrs. It's a long story and one better left in history - but it's been a long road back to fellowship and forgiveness and there are still some bad feelings between family members. However, i think, for the good, that most are trying to put it behind and focus on the here and now - which is - surgery tomorrow morning.
What if? What if he doesn't make it? Or what if he has a stroke or...or...or..? See the bad possibilities are endless and though it's never, ever pleasant to think or talk about such things, in this case, it's brought to the forefront of my mind because of the past eight years.
So tonight i'm doing a little soul searching. i know, with a clear conscience, that the last time i saw him (about one year ago), i was kind and cordial and able to look him in the eye and didn't harbor any hard feelings. That is truth. i also know that from his part, he has attempted to restore relationships (of sorts) with his children and grandchildren - and that he made some effort is something. i also know that if he weren't to make it (though i hope everything goes really splendid tomorrow) that i WOULD be sad at his passing and would be genuine in my grief. So though i've not expressed this all tohim, and truly don't feel that i need to, i know that i can pray for him with a clean heart and mind and know that i'm not harboring any resentment nor dislike.
Sometimes these kinds of things sneak up on you and relationships get out of hand or never become repaired and then something awful happens and it's too late to resolve something that should've been done years ago. We all go through it - it's part of human nature. However, this was another wake-up call to keep my grudge list realllllly short and to make amends when possible and if not possible, to at least forgive and move on. Bitterness and anger and hatred benefits no one, in the end.
Life lessons are sometimes learned in times of struggle and tragedy or even in emergency, thankfully this life lesson was learned for me before it was too late.
May God be with you tomorow, Uncle and guide the surgeon's hands. i am praying for you.
Update: He made it through the surgery and hopefully will have a good time of recovery.